The Real News

Great show yesterday Kid.
A great show which caused much anger among the Taliban when they finally got Mr Coyle's book, "How to fight an occupying force" translated into Talabanese.
"Read Abdul!" yelled a fierce warlord with a black beard and a white kitten clasped in his arms. "Soon we will know the secrets of warlord Coyle, the Che Guevara of Stroke City."
Abdul turned to the first page and read,
"First, find a five story block of flats."
The fierce warlord put a secondhand stamp on a fatwa and sent it to Mr Coyle, care of Radio Foyle.
A man stuck his head up the plug hole in the sink and roared, "TAXI! for Tommy cat."
"I'm off to London," said Tommy. "I have been called to give evidence before the phone hacking enquiry. For many years I have been exchanging emails with Whiskers, the tabby cat of Rebekah Brooks. When I reveal what I know," yelled Tommy, "summonses, injunctions, and subpoenas will be flying like stones and bottles after a disputed parade in the Short Strand Road!"
"Can I come too Tommy?" I yelled.
"NO!" said Tommy. "You would be seen as a security risk, while I have been thoroughly and intimately--vetted."
I shrugged my knees and went back to the Real news on the Jeremy Kyle show.