Tubby no more.

Great show yesterday kid. A great show, which for an hour and a half took everyone's mind off the burning issue of the day.
Could Tubby Nolan weigh in at 17 stone on Thursday and be crowned, "The slimmest fat man" in Ulster.
Candles are being lit, vigils held, bets placed and fireworks hoarded for the great night.
President Clinton has been invited. Seamus Heaney has composed a new poem called,
"Thin as a bogland snipe" and the Undertones, with dancing dervish Micky Bradly on bass guitar, will play all their back catalogue,which should take six or seven minutes. Old Jordie will dance a jig and give a talk on the destructive effect on the body from drinking too much cooking sherry. The evening will end with Tubby Nolan in a thong dancing and bopping to,
"Shake-a-dat-ass. Shake-a-dat ass."
Tommy stood there in his new Winter Ugg boots and said,
"Well, well, well. So old hang 'em and flog 'em was caught in drag at the docks running away from a little sailor?"
"He was!" I cried. "The eyebrow was caught red stilettoed. There go his free bus runs to Knock and the Christmas card from the Pope and the concave of Cardinals."
"Hoist by his own petard," said Tommy. "Not so much, "Our man at the Vatican" as "Our woman at the docks."
"Oh Tommy", I giggled,"you are so funny. You really should hang around with Tim McGarry and William Caulfield."
"Just for the record," said Tommy,"what would, "MAGGIE MAY" have been charged with if picked up by the fuzz?"
"HIGH TREASON!" I screamed. "And trying to sell a member of her Majesty's forces a poke in a wig."
"Devil's Island is too good for him!" yelled Tommy."Send him to Ballymena for a month. That should settle any hash that is still bubbling and gurgling in his little, "Fanny by gaslight" tummy."
"I've said it before and I'll say it again!" I cried. "Madame X was the ruination of Mr Coyle....."
"If only he had stuck with Loony-Tunes," said Tommy,"and not moved onto the hard stuff."
"Loony-Tunes is a gate-way film," I said,as I slipped a well worn DVD of, "Tubby Nolan, wild and uncensored" into the DVD player.
I sat there leering and drooling with my thumb on the pause button.