Duping the DUP

Great shows last week kid. Great shows which were used to induce the sacred cows of India into a feeling of peace and tranquility.
"Smashing! Brilliant! Amazing!" enthused sacred cow herdsman, Bosco Patrick Patel.
Suddenly Tommy my cat threw down, Brain surgery for dummies, grabbed me by the throat and screamed into my face,
"What unnatural, indecipherable, undetectable power does Martin "Svengali" McGuinness have over the DUP?"
I fired Hudson our old butler and faithful family retainer out of a cannon I bought on eBay and said,
"Explain yourself feline. I know not of what you speak."
"I speak of seditious seducement," said Tommy. "I speak of seduction on a grand and epic scale. First, "Svengali" McGuinness uses his charm to turn the "Big Man" Ian Paisley into a chuckle brother, and now he has first Minister Peter Robinson tittering like a love sick school girl. What strange, terrible, alien power has McGuinness got? Why, if the man so desired, he could charm the birds from the veritable trees."
I threw a herring at Jimmy Spratt and replied,
"There are two cities in the British Isles where everyone thinks they are a comedian and those two cities are, Liverpool and Stroke City."
"AH-HAA!" yelled Tommy,as he lined the mantlepiece with a regiment of Child of Prague statues.
"So, Martin McGuinness is using a charm offensive on the DUP?"
"Give that cat a cigar," I cried. "Martin McGuinness is using his quick, inimitable Derry wit to lure the DUP into his web. He keeps the DUP'ers giggling and tittering with stories about the little sailor, Gerry Anderson's shed and Sean Coyle's strange, weird penchant for blind bats."
"Machiavellian", whispered Tommy. "The Shinner's plan is Machiavellian in its simplicity. A ballot box in one hand and a tickling stick in the other."
"Let's go and build a gable wall and write that on it!" I yelled.
"Good idea," cried Tommy."It will enlighten the people and give a much needed boost to the building industry."
That's where Brian Cowan got it wrong. He didn't have the capability to think laterally!
"Another drink Brian?"
"I don't mind if I do, but no ice this time. Things are getting cold enough around here!"
It's all over Brian.Time to get your coat!