Is He Having A Laugh?

Great shows last week kid. Great, great shows which made one tingle all over with strange, weird feelings of apathy. After Friday's great show Queen Elizabeth turned to loving, Greek hubby Phillip and said,
"I know him you know. I know Gerry Anderson. We had him here as a guest when you finally assembled the Ikea flat-pack Bloody Mary commode. What a jolly nice person he was. He had the impunity to tell me that Jordie Tuft was one of my subjects. I always thought, hoped and prayed that old Jordie fell under the bailiwick of Biffo Cowan."
"Gerry eh?" grunted the prince. "Sounds like a Hun to me, must be from your side of the family."
"Oh shut up Stavros!" shrieked the queen,"and stop tempting the corgies with your horrid, greasy kebab. Put it away! Put it away! Footman, make Stavros put his horrid Greek kebab away."
And so we leave Buckingham palace with all its history and junk-cluttered back yard and get back on the coach.
I couldn't believe it when I heard it on the news. Surely Noel Thompson was,'aving a laugh.
"He's 'aving a laugh!" I yelled.
THEN! a grim faced Paul Clarke broke the same story. I glared at Tommy my cat who was making egg cartons from expensive, antique music boxes as instructed by Blue Peter and yelled,
"Take away the head of Alfredo Garcia and bring me the head, body and nigh, nigh, NIGH of Jim Rodgers!"
I just had time to flash before Jim Rodgers stood before me.
"WELL," I said, "this is a right howdy do. This is a right kettle of fish. This is a right pickle and no mistake. What were you thinking of?" I yelled. "Who gave you carte blanche to leap over a woman dressed as a red, furry tomato?"
"NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!" screamed Jim. "As I explained to the judge it was just a bit of fun. All my life I have wanted to leap over a woman dressed as a red, furry tomato. When I happened to come across one, I screamed, "GERONIMO!" and sprinted towards her. Legs akimbo I tried to clear her, but I gave the poor woman a dunt with my knee."
"Your knee my ass!" I yelled. "I saw the photographs. You hit that poor, red, furry tomato woman a dunt on the head with your fork."
"KNEE!" screamed Jim.
"FORK!" I yelled.
"And now the tax-payers of Ulster have to stump out 28 grand in compensation because of your wayward fork."
"KNEE!" screamed Jim.
"FORK!" I yelled.
Tommy laid Jim down on a dirty, filthy, yellow, leather couch and said,
"Tell me Jim, when was the first time you felt an over-whelming compulsion to jump over a woman dressed as a red,furry tomato?"
"It's all coming back!" screamed Jim. "I remember the midwife wore a red, furry gansy and as the doctor slapped my wee Unionist arse, I felt a wild desire to scream, "BUMMER!" and leap over the midwife."
"Take up your head and walk!" cried Tommy. "Your faith has made you whole."
As Jim raced down the street screaming, "Nigh, Nigh, NIGH!" Tommy wrote on the wall with HP sauce,
"Legs akimbo, there goes Jimbo."
"FORK!" I yelled after Jim.
"KNEE!" screamed Jim as he leapt a red letterbox and galloped down the Donegall road looking for women dressed as red, furry tomatoes to leap over!