WE DON'T CARE

Great shows last week kid.
Great shows which blared out from the cabs of hundreds of dung-spreaders as they scattered animal defecation far and wide like veritable confetti.
"Dung-spreader," said Tommy my cat. "What a great name that is. It does what it says on the tin."
"Just think Tommy," I said,"everything we eat comes from dung."
"With the exception of beans and peas," said Tommy,"which come from a can."
"Don't be a pedantic pussy," I said. "People don't like to be corrected by a fly cat like what you is."
"I think," said Tommy with a superior smirk,"that should be,corrected by a fly cat like what I AM!"
In the twinkling of an eye I constructed a court out of wooden pallets and sticky-backed plastic. I placed Tommy in the dock and roared,
"Tommy cat, would you be happy to see Martin McGuinness as first minister?"
Tommy pursed his lips, made an arch of his paws and said,
"I'm glad you asked me that question. If I can refer you to a speech I made in 1986, the reality is......"
I threw a shovel of gravel on my desk and roared,
"Answer the question! Don't stand there like a poor man's Michael Howard. Martin McGuinness, first minister, YES or NO?"
"In what context are you using the words yes or no?" said Tommy.
"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" I yelled. "I DEMAND YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION-NIGH!"
Then came the Perry Mason moment. Tommy broke down.
"I DON'T CARE!" screamed Tommy. "Do you hear me? As sure as God made little green epaulettes, I DON'T CARE! I don't care if the first minister is,Martin McGuinness, Peter Robinson or the wino in the cardboard box. It won't make any difference to MY life."
So there you have it, people of Ulster. It took a humble cat to point out what THE REALITY IS!
We, the people of ULSTER, DON'T CARE!!!