TROUBLE IN HOUSE

The house was packed as I got to my feet clutching my speech in my nervous hand.
Tommy my cat, wearing a lovely steel grey suit sat on the government bench.
Norbert the maverick outspoken budgie sat on the opposition perch. Norbert had often been thrown out of the house for old buck and conduct not becoming a gentleman.
I looked at the stereo in the corner and yelled, "Mr Speaker".
"Here, here" cried Tommy.
"Resign" yelled Norbert.
"Mr Speaker" I yelled "I come to this house today, to expose North Korea as a tyrant and bully and to offer my support to brave little South Korea in their battle for freedom".
"Here, here" yelled Tommy.
"Rubbish!" cried Norbert.
"Honourabe members of this house" I roared.
"I second that!" yelled Tommy.
"Go home" yelled Norbert.
"Honourabe members" I yelled "Somewhere on the map, if you care to search, you will find a small country called-Korea".
"Jolly good show" cried Tommy.
"Too little too late" yelled Norbert.
"Poor wee Korea is split in two" I roared.
"Shame!" cried Tommy.
"Sit down" yelled Norbert.
"In the North you have North Korea" I yelled "And in the South you have South Korea".
"Talk about stating the bleeding obvious" yelled Norbert.
"Go on" yelled Tommy "Don't be put off by a communist budgie who would raise taxes on the rich and allow the birds of the air to settle here and poo on our cars".
"Mr Speaker" I yelled "I wish today, in this house to pledge my undying support for poor wee South Korea and condemn-utterly the bully boy tactics of North Korea".
"You tell it like it is" yelled Tommy
"Blah, blah, blah" cried Norbert.
"Today" I yelled "I plan to make a gesture".
"Here's a gesture" laughed Norbert, sticking two claws up in the air.
"Unconstitutional Mr Speaker" roared Tommy.
"Leave him" I yelled "We all know what he stands for. If he had his way, Russian tanks would be on every street in Northern Ireland".
"I object" yelled Norbert.
"The right honourable budgie doesn't like it" I yelled. "He doesn't like it when the bright spotlight of truth shows up his dark, dishonourabe black intentions".
"I'm enjoying myself" I yelled "I'm enjoying myself"
"Knickers!" yelled Norbert.
"And knickers to you too" cried Tommy.
"Mr Speaker" I yelled "I have something in my hand. I wonder if any of the honourabe gentlemen can guess what I hold in my hand".
"A turd" cried Norbert.
"A brown envelope" roared Tommy.
"Mr Speaker" I cried "I hold in my hand a-stone".
"Here, here, here" cried Tommy.
"Shame!" yelled Norbert "Resign you old bag".
"Mr Speaker" I thundered "I plan now to leave this house...
"About time" yelled Norbert.
"Shut up" roared Tommy.
"I plan to leave this house Mr Speaker and in a gesture of solidarity with my brothers and sisters in South Korea, cast his stone, this rock, this fragment of breeze block, this missile, towards the black evil heart of North Korea".
"There's going to be a fight" yelled Tommy.
"Peace in our time" roared Norbert.
I then left the house of democracy and free speech and took up my stance in the middle of the road. I drew back my arm, yelled, "LET FREEDOM RING" and cast the stone towards North Korea. I heard a scream, the clatter of a bicycle and when I looked, I was horrified to see I had knocked a non-singing nun of her Raleigh chopper.
"Sister, Sister" I cried "I am so sorry. I did not see you. The stone that drew blood from your sainted head, was meant for the evil war mongers in-North Korea".
"The amount of effing and blinding directed in my direction was lewd, crude and extensive.
Really, I expected more from the Poor Claire's!!!
They must be taking any one these days.