The Proud Tradition of Cutting across the Fields.

Great Saint Valentine's day show kid. If you can't say it with flowers, say it with bullets like Al Capone.
I saw an old fakir, trying to raise his pecker, in a field near Malin Head, his old pipe was wailin' the magic was fadin' alas, his old snake was dead!
Don't you just hate it when that happens!!!
Tommy my cat, wearing a pair of wrinkled tights, leaped into the room like Rudolph Nurevyev and cried,
"On pointe de toes, here I go, watch me pirouette. En dehors, en dehors, shut them doors, for petit, feline pet. Pas de chat, the step of the cat, I leap high in the air, bourree, bourree, I bend my knee and stick out my derriere!" "Bravo!" I yelled. "Encore, encore!"
"I can't encore, there is no more," said Tommy, changing back into his grey, flannel trousers and blue blazer with the crest of the Greta Garbo school for wayward boys and girls on the front. Where did Tommy get the blazer? I don't know. Probably Manfred woman, or Manfred Mann.
Tommy stood at the window, stuck out his tongue in the general direction of Iran and said, "Up at Stormount, bonny wee Sammy Wilson is spending money hand over fist."
"I know!" I yelled. "For the first time in history, Co Tyrone is going to have a road, a big road, which goes places! How great is that!"
Tommy drew a picture of a parrot, placed it on his shoulder and said, "Not everyone is over the lunar landscape. Just seventeen minutes ago, by my H Samuel, ever-right watch, be-spectacled, Sinn Feiner, Barry McElduff, leaped to his feet and made this impassioned speech. "(Irish Intro) Mr Speaker, I thank the minister for his offer of the first road in Co Tyrone. But does the minister know that this will sound the death knell for a grand old tradition in that county? I refer of course to cutting across the fields. Since time began the people of Tyrone have been cutting across the fields. I myself, cut across the fields to get to school. My father, cuts across the fields to get to the bog and my sainted mother, cut across the fields to by me a new, secondhand suit when I first entered Stormount. Cutting across the fields is a proud tradition that the people of Tyrone will fight to retain. I shudder to think of a generation of Tyrone cubs and cutties, who may NEVER know the great thrill of cutting across the fields. If this new road leads to trouble on the streets, I must warn the minister, that I will cut across the fields to lead the protest. UP TYRONE and UP cutting across the fields!"
Sammy Wilson, got to his feet with a pained expression on his face, (piles or indigestion?) and said,
"Barry, do you want the flipping road or NOT?"
The bold Barry leaped to his feet and yelled, "YES! I do want the road, but with stipulations. When the big road is built, I insist that everyone in Tyrone be issued with a licence, a licence to cut across the fields!"
"CARRIED!!!" roared Jim Allister, who was sitting with a red face brusting for a slash!