I love George Clooney.

Great show yesterday kid. The great show was much appreciated by the widow of old 87 year old Jingo Mumbles. Just a week ago old Jingles had glued chicken feathers all over his body and leaped off a steep cliff. As old Jingo plummeted to the ground he cried out in a shrill, piercing scream. "Well, back to the drawing board!" Old Jingo was buried quickly in the dark of night in a five minute ceremony befitting a crazy, old head banger. Tommy my cat, looked at me and said, "I have known Jordie Tuft all my feline life. In all that time I have never seen a shorter phone-in than the one old Jordie did on Tuesday morning. I wonder what is the matter with the rural, rustic Oracle?"
"Hefted?" I said.
"No!" said Tommy, "old Jordie has many cures for that condition." Tommy giggled and said, "I think old Jordie had a lady friend in and was in a rush to get back to her. I think old Jordie put his lady friend on the back burner, so to speak, had a brief talk with Gerry, and then returned to steamy,lecherous shenanigans, not seen since the days of Caligula."
"Pork salad Annie!" I yelled. "I heard old Jordie is often seen in the company of a lady called, Pork Salad Annie. She's not as green as she's cabbage looking. Old Jordie better watch out. If the DHSS hear about it they could cut off his cold weather payment."
Tommy smiled grimly and said, "If this romantic dalliance is to be nipped in the bud, they may cut off a lot more than THAT!" I pulled my masonic apron over my face and screamed, "You don't mean........?
"Oh yes!" said Tommy. "If old Jordie doesn't stop his fluffing and futtering they may cut off his electricity! People in and around Bricklands say that women of a certain age are attracted to the light in old Jordie's window, like wanton moths to a flame."
I put on an Etta James false face, threw back my head and sang, "I'd Rather Go Blind!"
"George Clooney," I said, hugging myself with delight. "What a man! So handsome, so intelligent, so hunkable. I love him. I love him. I want the whole world to know that I love George Clooney. I love George Clooney, with a love so strong, so deep, so everlasting. NOTHING could take away my great love for George Clooney."
"Is that a fact?" said Tommy.
"It is a fact," I said.
"So be it," said Tommy. "I will now take away your love of George Clooney by asking you one simple question."
"Bring it on!" I yelled. "NOTHING will take away my love for gorgeous George." "Tommy looked deep into my eyes and said, "What hand does George Clooney use to clean his bum? I ran down the street screaming and pulling my hair, with the sound of Tommy's evil laughter ringing in my ears.