Tendons and News From Tinsel Town.

Great shows last week kid.
Great shows which nearly stopped Steven Watson going on and on about Rory McIlory's injured wrist.
"It's the tendons!" yelled Steven. "Rory hurt the tendons in his wrist. When the tendons are mended, I plan to do a two hour special called, "Will the damaged tendons in Rory McIlroy's wrist be as good as new or will Rory McIlory regret his decision to make a swipe at the golf ball which was right up against the branch of a tree?"
"Catchy Title," said Tommy my cat. " I wonder could I get it printed on a T-shirt?"
"YOU couldn't," I giggled, "but I know a man who could, Tubby "Mainland Bound" Nolan."
"Mainland Bound, I wish I was," sang Tommy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Tommy would have been a great addition to Simon and Garfunkle.
I looked at Tommy, leapt in the air, landed in the splits position and yelled,"What's new pussycat?"
"Big news coming out of tinsel town," said Tommy. "Former,"Friend" Jennifer Anison has kidnapped a cabal of masochists and is threatening to hurt them if she and Ben Stiller are not allowed to make YET another romantic/comedy film."
I grabbed my handbag, waved it above my head and yelled,
"If Margaret Thatcher taught me anything, it was how to take milk from very young children and NOT to negotiate with terrorists or ageing, so called actresses, who have appeared in a tad too many so called romantic comedyies."
"Too late," said Tommy. "Filming has already began on, "Single girl seeks romance, girl meets boy, girl hates boy, after two hours of so called, zany, madcap comedy, girl falls in love with boy and gets married."
"Catchy title," I said, as I pulled a pearl-handled derringer from my handbag and fired six bullets into the tyres of a cyclist who was singing, "Bullet Train".
Coincidence? Absolutely! and I'll shoot anyone who says different!
"How's that boil coming along?" I said as Tommy changed the poultice on my bum. "Very red," said Tommy. "Very, very angry. I really think I should lance it, before you take blood poison.".
"LANCE MY BUM? I yelled. "Over my dead........"
TOO LATE! Tommy whipped out his trusty, Swiss army knife and began stabbing and slashing at the angry, red protuberance on my throbbing rear.
As I shot towards the ceiling I grabbed a feather duster.There are a few big cobwebs up there I have been longing to get at for ages.