The Hiccuping Sinn fein Letter.

Great show yesterday kid.
A great show which, like the Rosetta stone, at last explained the meaning of the Ballymena expression, "It's a great,big supermarket boy!" Scholars on bicycles converged on Ballymena to decipher the strange hieroglyphics written on a Panadol tablet found in a secret cave by pot-holer and falsetto yodler, Rodney Mountebank. After a heated debate Professor Wiggins stood in front of a large, excited crowd and cried,
"My little Chick-a-dees, we have at last translated the secret language of the ancient Panadol tablet. I can now reveal that the inscription reads, "Not to be taken with alcohol!"
Suddenly the Plaza in Ballymena erupted with cheering, clapping, yelling, screaming, animalistic yelps and the throwing of flat caps high in the air.
"I can die in peace now," said an old codger running out in front of a bus. "Not to be taken with alcohol! Boys a boys, who would have thought it-Hi!"
"He just ran out in front of me," said the bus driver,"so I never bothered braking-Hi."
"Take him to the great,big cemetery outside Ballymena boy," said a policeman.
Tommy my cat coughed, pulled his Raith Rover's scarf round his neck, took a sip of Lemsip and said,
"There's a very nasty virus going about. In fact the Sinn Fein computer is suffering from it."
"Symptoms?" I yelled, reaching for my prescription pad.
"The symptom," said Tommy, "is a nasty, repeating hiccup. No matter what Sinn Fein type into their computer, the same letter shoots out of the printer."
"SNAP!" I yelled. "Everyone in Ulster got the same letter today from NIE."
"What are the dear directors of NIE up to?" said Tommy.
"Dear customer," I read, "we at NIE were feeling a little bored, so we decided to change our name from, NIE to, Power NI. This change of name and logo will be very expensive, but we, at NIE/Power NI are not worried because YOU, dear customer, will be paying for it. Missing you already, from all the guys and gals at NIE/Power NI."
"What a lovely letter to get," said Tommy. "When this old world is getting you down and people are not around anymore."
"The infamous Sinn Fein duplicating letter!" I cried. "How are Sinn Fein dealing with it?"
"Very well," said Tommy. "Gerry Adams came out yesterday and said,
"This auld letter hanlin' is down to a glitch in our little Dell computer. But, as President of Sinn Fein,I hold my hands up and say,"We alone ourselves are responsible for the hiccuping, repeating letter. Sinn Fein, we, ourselves alone, are responsible."
Then the bold Eamon Mally yelled out, "What did you think of Kate Middleton's wedding dress Mr Adams?"
"Devine, Eamon," said Gerry Adams. "Simply-devine! Now if you will excuse me, I have the Sky man coming round today, so I will need to be at home."
"Just one more question Mr Adams," roared the troublesome Eamon Mally."What do you think of my blonde hair?"
"Devine Eamon," said Mr Adams getting into his car"Simply--Devine!"