The Reality About Talent Shows

Great show yesterday kid.
A great show made all the more remarkable when news leaked out that Mr Coyle had his feet up on his desk and a bored look on his face for the entire show.
"Lack of commitment and an obsessive desire for gabardine underpants will be the end of Mr Coyle!" yelled Tommy my cat. "If I were Gerry,I would tie Mr Coyle to the wheel of a field gun, roll up my sleeves, pick up the cat-oh-nine tails and give Mr Coyle one lash."
"You're a hard task-master Tommy cat," I said. "It's YOU who should be sitting on judgement on the brain-dead, gibbering zombies who appear each week on American Idol."
"A job I would relish," said Tommy."I would leap to my feet and roar,
"YOU! you can't dance, you can't sing. What use are you? You're just a waste of space. You're just the holes in a bar of Crunchie. GUARDS! Take him away and shoot him." You may well laugh," said Tommy, "but the way talent shows are going and reality shows in general, that could be a reality in five years time."
"And About Time!" I yelled. "Who wants to hear, "Give Him The Money Mabel" and then see a pound, perhaps even one pound fifty handed over to some old,grey, mummified codger who just played, "Roll Out The Barrel" on the spoons."
I grabbed the bible, mounted a mound of lime-green beanbags and spoke thus,
"You speak of a far-off golden time," I yelled. "The potter's wheel, Tea time with Tommy. TV spared us from the harsh realities of life. Take childbirth, an actress entered an hospital and emerged one week later with a new born child who appeared to be two years old. We never saw the screaming, the yelling, the cursing, the over-acting and the masked choir of medics chanting, "PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!"
"A golden age indeed," said Tommy. "But I always thought the cowboys were a bit, you know-funny. Take the Cartwright family in Bonanza. Three, single, grown up sons living at home with Pa. Not a woman in sight, even the cook was a Chinese male."
"Some of the horses were fillies!" I yelled.
"The Cartwright family had just two aims in life, shooting people and never changing their clothes."
Tommy leered and said, "The Sooty and Sweep Show was a bit near the knuckle. Old Harry Corbett had his hand right up Sooty's......."
"GET OUT!" I yelled. "And may flood, famine, pestilence and piles follow thee all the days of your life!"
I then stormed into the house to watch, "I have a 134 foot tapeworm in my large intestine."