Old Folk and Bed Baths

Great shows last week kid. Great shows which helped in no small way, to quell the riot at Plumbridge Old Folks's Home. The old folk were up in arms about the lack of waterproof nappies and the rough way nurse Paula Pot was inserting catheters.
The leader of the riot, an old codger who wishes to remain anonymous said,
"We is over the moon. All our demands have been met. As a sign of good faith, we, the old folks promise to keep our caterwauling to a minimum when our catheters are being inserted."
Tommy my cat drew a picture of Hitler on the wall, blasted it with a burst of machine-gun fire and said,
"Hey rubber lugs,from the 16th to the 22nd of January-inclusive I will not be available to spoon gruel into your gaping, cavernous gub."
"Hauld on!" I cried. "Hauld on! You are my helper. You get carer's allowance for looking after me."
"Be that as it may," said Tommy. "On the 16th of January I shall dress in stout all-weather clothing,hiking boots and rucksack and travel the highways and byways looking for the first snowdrop of the year."
"And what shall you do when you find the first snowdrop," I yelled,"place it in your button hole, or press it between the well thumbed pages of your Koran?"
"I shall enthuse," cried Tommy. "I shall-exult,depending on the terrain. I will mount a small mound, hillock, or raised feature in the landscape and proclaim my thanks to the great God Ra. Winter is over, soon the Lagan will flood its banks and catholics and protestants alike shall walk like an Egyptian as they till the fertile soil with bullocks and straining buttocks."
"Sounds like a firm of solicitors" I giggled. "Have you had an accident at work? If so,phone Bullocks and Buttocks NIGH!"
Tommy flicked a speck of dust from his spleen and said,
"Apropos to someone stuffing nourishment down your gannet gullet, while I go snowdrop hunting I have made arrangements."
"Not Steven Nolan!" I yelled. "The last time Tubby looked after me I lost three stone and the oval one nibbled all the hems of my curtains."
"I speak not of bucketbake," said Tommy. "The man I have hired to look after you is a paragon of virtue his name is....."
"NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!" screamed Jim Rodgers leaping into the room dressed in a nurse's uniform, complete with flat shoes and upside-down watch pinned to his manly bosom.
The next thing I knew, Jim had me down at the carwash giving me a bedbath!
I don't care if Tommy "Snowdrop" ever comes back. Jim Rodgers is looking after me like a baby. All I have to do is wink and Jim will leap to his feet, grab me by the scruff of the neck and run me to the carwash for another bedbath. He has very tender hands as he applies the Lifebouy soap.
Splish-splash I was having a bath
Lord I thought that I would die
Jim Rodgers, was lathering my back
While screaming out, "NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!"