SILENCE IN COURT!

Great shows last week kid.
You got the old gritter,Mr Coyle,out early and put on five great, icicle-dangling shows.
All week the burning question was, "Has old Jordie turned into an abominable snowman?"
I am glad to report,that Jordie's wee lum is still reeking,and his under-carriage, while frost-bitten,will not need any amputations. Praise the Lord and pass the doats! This state of affairs is mainly due to external heat from pallets,firewood and a lorryload of wooden legs that some kindly woman was good enough to send him after her husband,Long John passed away. Internal heat was maintained from Bush whiskey, cooking sherry, poteen and the fast downing of sloe gin.
I handed Tommy my cat a big cardboard box and said,
"Christmas is a time for thinking of others who are not as lucky as we are. Take this box to the guys and gals who appear in LOL."
"What's in the box?" said Tommy.
"One liners and punch lines," I said. "Lord knows they need them."
"I'm not going anywhere near the LOL'ers!" yelled Tommy. "They might make me laugh."
"I would like to see them try!" I yelled.
Silence in court, here comes the judge.
"Tubby Nolan," said the judge,"you find yourself in the dock today,NOT because you dressed up a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose. You do find yourself in the dock for the strategically placed SECOND carrot. How do you plead you rotund rascal?".
"INNOCENT!" roared Tubby. "I am as innocent as the new born snow and the driven baby.
It was not I who placed the second carrot South of the border down Mexico way. It was the work of hoodies, slabbers and bucket bakes. Your honour," yelled Tubby,"it is a well known fact that I haven't seen the area where the carrot was placed for over 20 years! Your honour," roared Tubby,"please release me, let me go!"
"Case dismissed!" cried the old judge, whipping off his syrup of figs.
"Then I can-GO?" cried Tubby.
"NO!" roared the judge. "I want you to take me home in your car, because,my fat, oval friend,I am as drunk as a judge!"