Vive La Difference!

Great show yesterday kid, which proved Mr Coyle is NOT the chosen one who will lead his people down the Strabane road to the land of milk and honey at Zion--mills. "Mr Coyle, is not the chosen one," said Tommy my cat. Ancient manuscripts describe a man with a bald head and a distinctive speech pattern. My money is on Eamon McCann." "Praise the Lord!" I yelled, as I gazed at a picture of bonny, haggis-plump, Lord Laird. I put down the phone, burst out crying and yelled, "Vidal Sassoon, the First World War poet is dead. Who can forget his memorable lines, "There were rats, rats, as big as bloody cats, in the quarter master's store." Tommy snorted and said, "Vidal Sassoon was a hairdresser,very big in the 60's. His main claim to fame was the, one eye look. Before you could say "Anything for the weekend Sir?" young women all over Britain were stumbling about half blind with a big fringe of hair hanging over one eye. Doctors were run of their feet treating dolly birds, who had walked into a wall, or fallen down an open manhole." "Women," said Tommy, "surprise me! When it comes to running a house they are very capable but, when it comes to style and fashion, they let men dress them up like freaks and clowns." "It's the, "Does my bum look big in this syndrome?" I said. "When it comes to fashion women are very insecure. When some weirdo called, Teezy-Weezy, Herr Cutts, or Gok Wan comes along they follow them like rats after the Pied Piper. Men don't care how they look. They will wear anything. Men hate shopping. Men hoard certain magazines under the bed, but they don't hoard shoes. Men like to feel comfortable. Women are not content if they are not perched up on two six-inch heels and wearing a dress two sizes too small for them." "The mystery of the sexes," said Tommy. "Men are dirty old brutes and woman are highly scented, strait-jacketed, insecure manikins with their faces tanned and painted like a new cart." "VIVE, La Difference!" I yelled, slipping into a two inch, orange, mini skirt and a bright, yellow boob tube. "Tommy," I said, "Does my bum...........?" "YES!" yelled Tommy. "YES! YES!YES!"