Plans To Hold An Intervention.

Great show yesterday kid. Would-be Irish President, Sean Gallagher, listened to the great show in his peat bunker, while throwing darts at a photograph of Martin McGuinness. Wizened leprechaun, Senator Steven Norris and matronly Dana, held hands and sang, "All kinds of Everything" to a bemused man and his dog in Bally-Faddle town square. What the other candidates did, I do not know and I have no wish to know!
Tommy my cat, yelled,"COBBLERS!" and threw the "Shoe Makers' Weekly" into the bin. Tommy, braced himself, looked at me, boaked and said,
"When old Jordie got the bums rush yesterday, was he.......?"
"AS A NEWT!" I yelled. "High as a kite and full as a po!"
"Tut-Tut," said Tommy. "What a shame to see a great, beautiful mind brought so low by early morning, cooking sherry. Has he no control at all?"
"Not where cooking sherry or his bladder is concerned," I replied. "Old Jordie gets up very early, feeds the livestock, lights the fire and sits staring out the window. The bare trees, the grey sky, the desolate landscape silently scream, "Have a drink. One little drink won't do any harm." and soon old Jordie is dancing a jig and singing a Pecker Dunn song."
Tommy wiped his dirty hands on my tongue and said, "I hate to see a good man go bad. We must do something. We must hold an intervention live, on the Gerry Anderson show."
"Back of the net!" I yelled. "What a great idea! Gerry, Sean, Ken, Emma and the Lough Brickland fire brigade will tell old Jordie how much they love him and beg him, on bended elbows, to to put the cork back into the sherry bottle."
"I will cater the event," yelled Tommy. "I will serve up a running buffet on the back of a running rottweiler."
"Set and match!" I cried. "Old Jordie will collapse in a blubbering heap and promise never to drink again!"
"Stall the weddin!" yelled Tommy. "What beverages does one serve at an intervention?"
"Thank goodness you remembered!" I shrieked. "Run to the off-licence and get six bottles of Black Bush, six bottles of vodka, twelve bottles of sherry and a small bottle of pineapple juice for Emma."
What an intervention THIS is going to be! I can see stomach pumps and intensive care being involved before this intervention is over!