The Weather Forecast from Frank Othello Mitchell as Wee Chinese Cutties win more Swimming Medals.

Great show yesterday kid, which greatly helped team GB, in their quest for gold in the Olympic games. "It's all good!" said David Cameron, as he was shown round a state-of-the-art sewage works in Cullybaccy. The little man, who gave Mr Cameron the guided tour, kept roaring, "I eat, drink and sleep sewage Mr Cameron, like my father before me." It was obvious the wee man was hoping for an OBE. Obnoxious, boring egidt. Tommy my cat came down the stairs in a state of languidness. I have seen Tommy in a languid state before, but this was bordering on lethargy. Tommy, wearing cherry red doublet and laddered hose put one hand to his head and opined, "Let us sit on the sand and talk of the death of Kings. The year goes on a pace and odds bodkins, the nights are drawing in. 'Tis August. The dog days of Summer. All too soon the sun, the great shining orb in the sky, will chart a course, taking it away from mortal man. Dark then, will be the day and of short duration. To frolic in the dark day, will be seen as a sign of madness. The prancing of a fool, who, devoid of brain, is seen by all as a weather vane, a stopped clock. His dance has all the jollity of a corpse on the gibbet. Then, will old men slumber before Winter fires, telling stirring tales of battle and merry romps in my lady's chamber. Old grey heads, chattering nonsense, like the crickets in the hearth. Men of youth, men of vigour, will champ at the bit. Confined indoors, they will verily punch and batter their nagging spouse. Children, now abed, will dream of sunlit streams, pigs' bladders, flying high into the bright blue yonder and picking flowers with the beauty and radiance of the jewels in the King's crown. Apart from that," said Tommy, "the Winter will be generally mild, with little or no snow or frost." "Thank you Frank Othello Mitchell!" I roared. "Attend me here! Hold this duck's legs wide open while I stuff it with onion, sausage meat and herbs." At the mention of the word, stuff, the duck gave a Quack and flew out the open door. Tommy opened a tin of beans, poured them out on the table and went to make some toast. Yes, it would be toast on beans-again! Tommy and I sat watching wee Chinese cutties win all the swimming medals at the Olympic games. "Well done Chew You!" yelled Tommy, as a Chinese child of four, broke the world record by two hours. "Swimming is very boring," I said. "To make it more interesting, take away the water and make the competitors swim on bare concrete. It would be quite jolly to see all the blood from cuts and grazes on knees and elbows." Tommy, pondered, ruminated and said, "Would you also take the water away from divers?" "Of course!" I replied. "If divers had to land, headfirst on hard concrete, there would be less showing off on the way down!". Just then, a herd of prowlers thundered down the street, followed by Edwin Poots, firing a double barrel shotgun into the air. "Hey up!" said Tommy. "It's our Edwin on prowler duty." I stood smartly to attention as the Chinese national anthem was played again and again and again!