Bonny Wee George.

Great show yesterday kid. A focus group in the hills above Drumquin, found the show to be high in Coylus Interuptus and low on diddly-dee.
Group spokesman, old Watt Tyler said, "I found the show to be wholesome, well produced and easy to open, due to the lack of cellophane."
Nellie Orbit described the show as a "Must" for the modern day woman with a drake and nine ducks.
Tommy my cat, sauntered in whistling merrily and said, "Nothing new on the political front until Mike Nesbitt announces that the UUP and George Galloway's Respect party are going into coalition."
"A wise move on Mike's part," I said. "It's the only way the UUP will ever get a voice in Westminster."
"And what a voice!" said Tommy. "George Galloway is loud, acrimonious and indefatigable in his quest for justice and free ice cream for the over 90's."
I reached for two bottles of Black and White whiskey, handed a bottle to Tommy and cried, "Let's drink a dram to bonny, wee George."
I must have blacked out first. I have no recollection of Tommy falling. I heard him before I saw him.
"Two lovely pork pies
Oh, what a surprise
Father and mother and sister and brother
Have two lovely pork pies!"
"What goes there?" I yelled.
"Tubbyus Nolanus," came the answer.
"Advance and be recognized!" I roared.
Out from a strange, billowing mist stepped Tubby Nolan wearing a very short toga with a Ben Sherman shirt. Tubby grasped one nipple and cried, "I must see Caesar tonight. Inform Caesar, that Tubbyus Nolanus is without."
"Without what?" I asked.
"Never you mind!" roared Tubbyus."Just tell Caesar I must see him!"
"Not so fast, frequent visitor to the vomitorium," I yelled. "State your business."
Tubbyus give a little, girlish squeal and cried, "There's a moose, loose about the hoose."
"Not so fast," I said. "Every word you say must go down in the scrolls. Now, you said something about a-moose."
"It's loose," cried Tubby. "About the hoose."
"Whose hoose?" I asked.
"My hoose," said Tubby, "has a moose, loose."
"Are you the registered owner of the moose?" I asked.
"I am not!" yelled Tubby. "I wouldn't have a moose about my hoose."
Seizing a window of opportunity I sprung the trap.
"AH, HA!" I yelled. "Then how can you, Tubbyus Nolanus, a self procaimed moose hater, have a loose, moose, about your hoose?"
"It's a wild moose," said Tubbyus. "It must have came in from the fields."
"That's what they all say!" I retorted. "Begone plump Baccus!" I yelled. "If you think I will waken noble Caesar, with some cock and bull story about a moose, loose about the hoose, then you must be as stupid as you are fat!"
Tubbyus, fell to his plump knees and roared, "Tell Caesar, there's a moose, loose about my hoose."
"Guards!" I roared. "Take this wretch to the cells. There he can sport and play with the mice and rats."
Tubbyus, snapped his fingers and yelled, "I care not a fig for mice or rats, it's moose I can't stand. They run up your toga, you know.
"CAESAR!" roared Tubbyus. "Caesar, big Audrey, Vinnie! There's a moose, loose about my hoose!"
Fat men should not go roaming in the gloaming!