Jordie Is On A Par With The Titanic!

Great show yesterday kid. Tommy my cat, pulled a Top Shop,burnt umber gansy over his head and said, "Given the content of yesterday's show, I thought I was listening to an episode of Casualty! A ground swell of good will for old Jordie has crashed the phone system at the Royal and pallets of grapes and cooking sherry are arriving non stop in big lorries." "Jordie is a national institution," I said, "on a par with the Titanic. The people of Ulster could not deal with another disaster. The rallying cry is, "DON'T LET OLD JORDIE GO DOWN LIKE THE TITANIC!" Tommy bit my bottom lip and said, "I worry greatly for the nurses. A few shots of vitamin B could send old Jordie into a groping frenzy." "How little you know about nurses," I said. "Even as we speak, nurses are clambering to be the first to give old Jordie a bed bath!" "Rather them than me," said Tommy. "I wouldn't venture down there without a miner's lamp and a canary." I grabbed some small animals, twisted them into the shape of a balloon and said, "I am greatly worried about Emma. I heard her give a little cough yesterday. I hope the two fly boys are aware she is with child and have not got the wee dote splitting wood with a hatchet, or carrying bags of coal up the stairs." "Of course not!" said Tommy. "Both Sean and Gerry have Emma wrapped in cotton wool. Very snug and warm, but a bit tricky when she cycles home." I painted a smiley face on the visage of Michael McGimpsey and said, "I hope Jordie's accident will have a somber effect on old codgers who get up from their reclining chairs, shuffle towards the open fire and pee on the glowing embers." "Any old Codger," yelled Tommy, "who willingly allows access to his forkal area in the vicinity of an open fire, deserves all he gets!" "HERE! HERE!" I cried. "The last thing I want to see in the doctor's surgery is an old man sitting with a gutted fork." "Looking for a tube job on the National Health?" said Tommy. "Gerry will never read that last line," I said. "Why not?" said Tommy. "I thought it was funny, a play on words." "If Gerry reads that line," I said, "I will stick a bell up a vicar's cassock and cry, "How about that for a ding-dong merrily on high!"