SO I SAID TO HER, "KNICKERS TO YOU, MRS MC HUGH!"

"Ah, go on you old rat bag," I yelled "Get back into your filthy house with your filthy children and your dirty old man of a husband!" "What?" I yelled "What? That's a damned lie!" I shouted.
"The Polish sailor and I were found in the long grass, because we had both been knocked down by a freak, petite, minute tornado." "WHAT?" I yelled. "WHAT? Take that back!" I roared.
"The red light above my door is to keep moths away and provide a warning for the poor wee blind bats." "WHAT?" I roared "WHAT? I refute that!" I yelled. "I refute that with all the refuteness in China. Knickers!" I yelled "Knickers to you, knickers to all your kith and kin, knickers to your cat and dog and knickers to the poor cuttie you has to sew your massive-knickers!" "WHAT?" I yelled "WHAT? I do so have knickers on---LOOK!"
And I lifted my skirt above my head and did a twirl.
"Will you come inside!" yelled Tommy my cat. "Will you come inside and don't be standing at the door, trading insults with her at number 27."
"She started it!" I yelled. "She made sinewy, insincere, insinuations about my front door step."
"What did she say about your front door step?" said Tommy.
I gulped like a goldfish and said "She said my front door step was-dirty."
"So it is!" roared Tommy. "For God's sake, it's covered in dog turds."
I threw my arms up in the air, gave a shriek, like this "SHRIEK!" and fell to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter. Five minutes later,or was it an hour and twenty minutes, I looked up at Tommy and giggled "That's where I have her beat. That's not dog turds. I couldn't get my key into the lock last night and was overcome with acute heftedness."
And I rolled on the floor and let shriek after shriek out of me.
Tommy left the room, with a look of--disappointment in his eyes--but I knew where to find him, holding on to the bannister, at the foot of our stairs.
As I sashayed past a building site, the naughty little workers leered down at me and yelled. "HOI-YOU, get them out for the lads! Come on darling, get them out for the lads!" I blushed to the roots of my teeth and went all girly. I picked a daisy and patted a stray kitten on the head. "HOI,YOU!" roared the builders, "Come on then, get them out for the lads!" "Gentlemen, dear, lovely gentlemen I simpered "I was brought up in a vicarage, where modesty and chastity were the Ant and Dec of my childhood. I could not possibly agree to your request, to get them out for the lads." "Come on darling!" yelled a brute of a man,erend "Get them out for the lads and I'll come down there and give you a great, big, wet kiss, now, I can't say fairer that that" A Rev Gentleman, standing by with a camera said, "I think my dear, in this instance, it would be quite acceptable in the eyes of God-and me, to get them out for the lads."
"Oh, all right" I giggled "Here goes, one--two--three-and I opened my mouth, pulled out my false teeth and waved them in the air.
What a commotion....big strong men fainting, vomiting and the young apprentice crying for his mummy. Ask and you shall receive--but just be careful what you ask for.
Steven Nolan, Tommy my cat and I stood in a running brook with a piece of moss in our mouths. We were hunkered down, trying to get rid of fleas, the way foxes do. The fleas leave the body when they feel the water and gather on the piece of moss--then, when all the fleas are on the piece of moss, you simply spit it out and walk flealess from the stream.
I looked at the naked Steven Nolan, a shoal of minnows seemed to be fascinated by his dual, bouyant, inflatable sperm banks. They reminded me of angry customers round the door of the bankrupt Northern Rock bank. "Silly little fish," I thought, as I made a mental picture, that would end up as a charcoal drawing later that night.
Later, we climbed out nude, except for Steven Nolan, who seemed to be wearing a loose fitting gown made from-skin? We dressed in haste. I helped Tubby adjust his gusset with the help of a car jack and a crowbar, then we skipped down the Yellow Brick Road, like Dorothy and her friends singing----"Oh, we're off to see the wizard, who runs the Ku-Klux-Klan."
Just good simple fun, from three very simple people.
After a cup of Coco--or Ococ, why not go now to--and it's not far, go to......
www. rosie-ryan. blogspot. com YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE.